17 years ago – there but not there

17 years ago today tragedy struck a beloved city and many beloved ones

The hate that was expressed that day forever changed history and lives

Creating a permanent imprint in the hearts of those living in America

Maybe elsewhere as well

It was unnecessary and cruel

Witnesses still live the nightmare

Television viewers forever remember where they were and what happened

Those who missed still remember hearing the news

Like watching a storms destruction with no control or no idea the outcome

Rippling effects for many years to come

More died after that day to ensure safety

Some died inside from the death of a loved one

For the ones that really feel – there is a piece of their heart that goes to the ones that died and the ones that survived this tragedy

The memorial is a beautiful dedication to this day and a sight to see

The silence and eeriness that engulfs, truly leaves  you feeling differently

My words are  a dedication to this day

From the bottom of my heart I wish peace to those affected and send love to the lives that were ended too shortly

Let this forever be a memory of the selfless and selfish acts

Where hate gets us when we let it consume our heart and mind

Let it remind us we were created to find peace, love, and harmony

Let us still to be thankful for the time with those we lost and those who survived

Be thankful for your life and the day your living

Maybe you weren’t born yet and just hearing about this terror

Feel from a place of love and understanding in your heart

You may not have been there and we can truly never understand the reason that it happened

But we can destroy hate and create love, always

 

 

My Tribe

Everyone seems to have one

Sometimes I am envious of how wonderful their’s look

I wonder where mine is at a times

Do I even have one

Are they out of sight out of mind

Or always there just not to your high expectation

I know that I am here always and forever for my people

I try to be here for humankind not just a certain group of people

I know I am not perfect at understanding the whys and whats of a person

Heck I don’t even know mine

I think it is about the good, bad, the ugly

Sure there are good and bad ones for you

But I believe by default we try to give most people a try

Maybe it is co-workers, a pack of animals, nature, films, or  or music or art

Does it really have to be a group of humans…

Best friends or family

My tribe is an open door

Can be people, animals, and so on

Earth is my tribe

 

 

Anyone out there

When you feel like everything you say is wrong
You upset or anger someone
You reach and reach out to people you thought were there but don’t seem to be
You try and then wait but they don’t bother
You feel alone and worthless
What is my real purpose
Just a straight line pressed against your lips
Heart full of hurt
Eyes swelled with tears ready to pour
Stomach is in knots
Your heart beats rapidly
Palms sweat
Anxiety and sadness creep into every part of you
Numbness and emptiness overtakes you
Unsure what is wrong or what to do
Not enough ambition or know how – how to fix
You always mend others
Always solid like a rock for others but pushed out, mocked, unwanted now
What do you do
Anyone out there who understands this rush of feelings
Anyone out there to listen, understand, or help

Angry Ghost

You tap dance on my every emotion

You make me angry, sad, happy, way too involved or invested in

Your powers are magical unlike any other

Do others see them or know them like I feel I do

You come and go, twist every which way to get what you want

Sneaks up on you when you least expect it or you knew all along and just denied it

Most of the time you spew a less than or mean remark

But any small notions of good somehow far outweigh the bad

Your intent is confusing and somewhat unknown

I feel it should be more simple but still I struggle to figure it out

At times its a thing of ego, wanting the same or more than give others

Sometimes it is my amazement, infatuation of the unknown of you

Do I really like or love you or am I just delusional

You are like a ghost to me

You haunt me most days

Leaving me wanting, disturbed, restless

I see and feel an anger inside you not sure others see that either

Maybe I just bring it out of you or maybe you show people the nice or good side

While I get the Angry Ghost

Whispers Like You Care

The words out of your mouth flow fluently like a 10 book in author

As smooth as water off a steep hillside after rain for days

Like a snake in a the grass barely noticeable but still creep in

Your whispers of caring words hit like ripples of a stone in a tiny puddle

However their real impact or intent is that of a feather floating slowly to the ground

If your not looking closely enough you probably would not see and surely not feel it

But unfortunately I hang on your every word

Like a bird with broken wings trying to find it’s way

Moving from surface to surface in the same areas wondering why I can’t fly

Your words no matter how little, affect make me profoundly

Even the slightly negative ones I can spin into something grand and positive

I assume I do that just so I can reason being here and hoping that if I settle for those words you’ll stay

Whispers like you care, but rarely ever the true act of caring

 

 

Loner

Being alone is it good or bad. Is it something to be judged or celebrated if one likes to be a loner. Is being a loner healthy or stunt growth. Maybe it is a sign of confidence and some fulfillment – ability to enjoy ones self, alone. Maybe it is letting other’s come to you after trying so many times and getting burnt. Enjoyment of silence and peace. Not controlling or chasing things, but letting things be as they may.  Events and things to do will always be there. Being with others you trust and love is beautiful. Being with yourself and feeling like you have the world at your fingertips with no strings attached is extraordinary. I don’t mind being a loner at times and can find the beauty in it.

Fear Stealing Smiles

When I think of you I get an empty unknown feeling. I fear you and your actions. Your lack of feeling toward me. I don’t know that I feel for you what I once did. I am somewhat curious about what your up to and enjoy talking to you when you are really present. But, I fear your disappearance. That infamous disappearing act you do and recognize. Will you do it again, more than likely. The question is how much will I invest in you this time. How far will I let you in my life again. Do you really want or mean to be around this time or just curing a little boredom here and there. I can’t seem to find a smile nowadays. The fear of your actions steals each one from me.

The Dark In You

The dark of you attracts the light and the dark of me. Never knowing what it will bring out of me next. Wishing I knew how to control that more. To know what you thought or felt. But, maybe there is really nothing there for you. Just you wanting more and more. Knowing you can bring out the bad and good in me. It does not quite matter which side as long as there is something. I hold on without answers in the dark in the hopes of making better choices and finding my own peace of mind.

Seeking

When you are seeking you. Lost somewhere in the midst of a few years under someone’s spell. You try to make sense of it, plan, or decide your next move. You look all around for answers. That someone is hard to be around, but it’s excruciating to not be around you too. I can’t seek me when I am seeking you. Do I love you or love me, I don’t know it is possible to do both of these things at once. 

Come and Go

You come and go like a sun peaking in and out between the clouds

you come and go like a wave rolling in and out

you come and go like a breeze rolling through the hills

you come and go like the jet plane up above

you come and go like the pitter patter of a heartbeat

you come and go like my inhale and exhale

you come and go like a blink of an eye

where you go or why I don’t really know

will you back I can quite never know

I am not always here but try a few times and in the right ways and you know I will be

maybe that works against me

and all you really wanted to know was that I was still here so you could torture me a little more by your silence