How many times can you slam the door on someone before they are no longer waiting on the other side of it?
That dread that washes over me to do or not to do something.
The overthinking that goes with it when deciding where to start.
Better to just jump in feet first or walk cautiously along the edge.
Where does waiting or stalling get me.
Why am I so hesitant.
Will this ever change for me.
Do I want it to.
Sometimes so good to be done and not as painful as thought.
Like ripping a band aide off it can’t be that bad.
I wish that hesitation would go away whatever I am fearing deep down.
Maybe just laziness or resistance to a change or something new.
You knock on my door everyday and I push it away over and over again.
I heard something the other day on you tube and he said take the focus off of you and things will come. I did not catch the whole video so I don’t fully understand the meaning yet.
It has made me think quite a bit. The video was about coping with pain or loss.
So why or how do you take the focus off you?
What do you focus on?
I am such a deep thinker most of the time it is hard for me to think simply, just enjoy things.
I lost my faith awhile ago as well and trying to find my way back to it in one of my most confusing, important, life changing years.
I am seeing I don’t trust people which makes me think about them and their affect on me. Maybe people in my life are vacuums rather than fans as well.
I want to focus on being a better person and finding my way best I can.
I am trying to let go and let the higher power or divinity bring me to my destiny.
I am not sure this answers my own thoughts or questions, but it is the best I can come up with.
Also I will try to focus on good people, quality and genuine moments, living more selflessly then selfishly.
Looking back on the year so far, I can tell and feel it has been a rough one for me. My thoughts have been scattered, focus unreliable, and direction unknown. I don’t know the answers to what I am going through or where to even start. I feel sad a lot, but at the same time a strong will and desire to get through this.
It feels as though I am looking into a dark tunnel and it is up to me what is in there. Is there more darkness or a light with some direction inside. I am constantly trying to be here for others – not always people I should be here for and tend to not be here for some people I should be.
How do you shift things so you are there for the people that are good to you and not the ones that are questionable to you?
I feel like I am making circles and repeating mistakes or things that hurt me. I want so badly to stop, but don’t know how to. So maybe that means I am not ready to or don’t want to. If I continue down this path I foresee an immense amount of heartache. When is enough, enough I wonder and when will I finally snap out of it before it is too late?
I am thinking strength and discipline. I wish I was disciplined enough on this matter like I am about running daily. I am going to try something new and do my best to apply that discipline to this. Hoping for the best and hoping that I can release some of this worry and need for control to a higher power. Hoping to find my way back to faith and love.
Making the most of time is so important.
Never knowing how much time we really have.
Who it should or should not be spent on.
Sometimes we spend the time on it regardless, hopeful of different outcomes.
How do we make the most of our time do we have kids, climb mountains, advance our career, devote it to our faith in a higher power.
Do we party and celebrate every moment in social settings.
Find and make fun by ourselves.
Time is what we want it to be, what we find most important to us.
Something that afterwards we think I made the most of my time and this was good for me as well.
Think before your squander and if you still squander think about it after what else could I have done with my time.
Some things are worth it, some are not.
It may take days, weeks, or years until we recognize that the things we fret over, we should not.
How badly do you fret.
Is there a lump in your throat.
Nervous twitch in your legs.
Loss of appetite because your so concerned.
Maybe increased hunger to cope.
Everything looks grey or lacks color or energy.
Is the thing or person you are fretting over, ever fret over you.
Do you physically or mentally need to endure whatever it is your feeling for that person or thing.
Will fretting about something get you farther along or closer to the thing you desire.
Fret not my friends, things will work out.
Impulsive, leap before think, doing what others do.
Laid back, weighing all the pros and cons, paranoid.
Never settled, always reaching for something, nothing is ever good enough.
Fearful, hate change, can’t envision the future but needs to before the next move.
Scared to be alone, can’t stop, won’t stop mentality.
Fearful of people, fearful of what might happen to them or loved ones going to and from work.
Never happy, jumping from one thing to the next.
Stuck in time past and present, never moving foward.
These are a few of the things that separate fools who rush in from people who are fearful.