Loner

Being alone is it good or bad. Is it something to be judged or celebrated if one likes to be a loner. Is being a loner healthy or stunt growth. Maybe it is a sign of confidence and some fulfillment – ability to enjoy ones self, alone. Maybe it is letting other’s come to you after trying so many times and getting burnt. Enjoyment of silence and peace. Not controlling or chasing things, but letting things be as they may.  Events and things to do will always be there. Being with others you trust and love is beautiful. Being with yourself and feeling like you have the world at your fingertips with no strings attached is extraordinary. I don’t mind being a loner at times and can find the beauty in it.

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Fear Stealing Smiles

When I think of you I get an empty unknown feeling. I fear you and your actions. Your lack of feeling toward me. I don’t know that I feel for you what I once did. I am somewhat curious about what your up to and enjoy talking to you when you are really present. But, I fear your disappearance. That infamous disappearing act you do and recognize. Will you do it again, more than likely. The question is how much will I invest in you this time. How far will I let you in my life again. Do you really want or mean to be around this time or just curing a little boredom here and there. I can’t seem to find a smile nowadays. The fear of your actions steals each one from me.

The Dark In You

The dark of you attracts the light and the dark of me. Never knowing what it will bring out of me next. Wishing I knew how to control that more. To know what you thought or felt. But, maybe there is really nothing there for you. Just you wanting more and more. Knowing you can bring out the bad and good in me. It does not quite matter which side as long as there is something. I hold on without answers in the dark in the hopes of making better choices and finding my own peace of mind.

Seeking

When you are seeking you. Lost somewhere in the midst of a few years under someone’s spell. You try to make sense of it, plan, or decide your next move. You look all around for answers. That someone is hard to be around, but it’s excruciating to not be around you too. I can’t seek me when I am seeking you. Do I love you or love me, I don’t know it is possible to do both of these things at once. 

Come and Go

You come and go like a sun peaking in and out between the clouds

you come and go like a wave rolling in and out

you come and go like a breeze rolling through the hills

you come and go like the jet plane up above

you come and go like the pitter patter of a heartbeat

you come and go like my inhale and exhale

you come and go like a blink of an eye

where you go or why I don’t really know

will you back I can quite never know

I am not always here but try a few times and in the right ways and you know I will be

maybe that works against me

and all you really wanted to know was that I was still here so you could torture me a little more by your silence

 

Blank Inside

Today is the day you were brought into the world

We have celebrated and ignored each other over the years when it comes to this day

No matter how upset I have been I am usually here in someway to celebrate you

I guess I still am today

Although you haven’t acknowledged me for a long time now

And I know I can’t reach out to you, there is a part that wants to wish you well on your day and celebrate you

I still haven’t disconnected myself from you completely and you probably know that

Maybe there will come a day when I do and you still won’t care

I don’t know what you are doing, thinking, or care about now or maybe ever

I think about how you told me you would always come back and some other things you said

Some seem like cruel tricks now or I am not too sure

I think my heart has grown since you stomped on it again

You know the ways to kill me inside and those parts still feel wilted and dead

There are some parts that feel so much for you, others, life – mostly you somedays

And there are other parts that just feel blank inside but still are wishing you a good day today